


I'm Twisted Up (Inside My Mind)

by 20dollarfobleed



Series: Manic Depressive [2]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, Mixed Episodes, bipolar character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 06:23:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5195492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/20dollarfobleed/pseuds/20dollarfobleed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mixed episodes are by far the worst in Josh's opinion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Twisted Up (Inside My Mind)

Josh noticed Tyler laughing at Mark's jokes like he would normally, then crying in his bunk later. 

He noticed Tyler's increased anxiety, the way he quickly scanned every situation to see everything that could possibly go wrong. He noticed the way Tyler seemingly switched so quickly between manic and depressed.

_In the context of[mental disorder](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_disorder), a  **mixed (affective) state** , also known as a "mixed" or "mixed-manic" episode, is a condition during which features of [mania](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mania) and [depression](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder)—such as [agitation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychomotor_agitation), [anxiety](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety), [fatigue](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatigue_\(physical\)), [guilt](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guilt_\(emotion\)), [impulsiveness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impulsiveness), [irritability](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irritability), morbid or [suicidal ideation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicidal_ideation), [panic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panic_attack), [paranoia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paranoia), [pressured speech](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pressured_speech) and  **[rage](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rage_\(emotion\))** —occur simultaneously or in very short succession. _

 

 

_Josh had once made the mistake of getting in a fight with Tyler while he was in a mixed episode._

 

"Why the fuck did you go to the bar without telling me?!" Josh knows Tyler makes bad choices in mixed states. He knows this isn't Tyler's fault, but his anxiety gets the better of him. _What if Tyler cheated on him? What if Tyler didn't care for Josh anymore?_

He knows that's not the case, stupid anxiety.

_[Anxiety disorder](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety_disorder) occurs more frequently as a co-morbidity in mixed bipolar episodes than in non mixed bipolar depression or mania.[[25]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder#cite_note-Swann2013-25)  Substance abuse (including alcohol) also follows this trend.[[25]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder#cite_note-Swann2013-25)_

"I just wanted to have some fun, Josh! I'm not a fucking kid, I can go somewhere alone if I want to!" He argues, voice shrill and fists clenches at his side. _Breathe,_ Tyler thinks. _Count to ten._

_Don't let your anger get the best of you._

"At least fucking tell me, Tyler! You know you're not in the best position to go somewhere like that by yourself!" Josh starts walking closer to the boy. Tyler can feel his anger rising. His veins feel like their buzzing with rage.  _Count to ten. Breathe._

"Well it's not my fault!" _Control your anger. Don't hurt Josh. Breathe._ "Maybe if you weren't so fucking controlling I'd be more open with where I go to you!" 

Josh is jabbing his chest as he says his next words, ( _Breathe,_ fuck) "It's not my fucking fault you make stupid fucking decisions!" _Don't hurt Josh. Count to ten. Don't hurt Josh. Don't hurt Jos-_

A sickening crack sounds from Josh's jaw as Tyler's fist connects with it.

The two boys stand in silence, and Tyler's eyes start to water. "Josh-"

"Don't." Josh cuts him off. "I just... fuck, did you even take your medication today?" Tyler nearly starts sobbing, because of course even after he fucking hit Josh, he's only concerned with Tyler's health.

"No, I didn't, fuck, Josh, I _hit_ you. I-I'm so sorry, Josh, oh my _god_.." Tyler starts crying, and he angrily wipes at the tears.

"I know you didn't mean to." Josh says softly. "I just... think we need a night away from each other."

"Please, please don't leave me Josh. I love you." Tyler begs.

"No! Never. I would never leave you. But we really should just spend a night apart. Tour has been putting all this stress on us. It isn't good for us, Tyler. You know that. It's just for tonight, Tyler. I promise." he says, and steps forward, pressing a soft kiss to Tyler's forehead. "Goodnight. Try and sleep." Josh doesn't bother saying _sleep well_ because he knows Tyler won't.

And he's right.

Tyler's guilt was too heavy. His anxiety coursed through him, he was sure Josh was going to leave him.

 _And he has a damn good reason,_ Tyler thought.

 

Tyler didn't get any sleep that night.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I.don't have words for this other than I'm so sorry


End file.
